I can only imagine.

It's that time of year where I get to remember things I should be doing this week-end.  I should be planning a special visit to celebrate a 32nd birthday this week-end.  I should have been shopping this week for a special gift.  I should have been baking a favorite cake to be delivered.  I should have been swept off my feet when I got out of the car by a strong handsome guy who hugs hard and tells me how much he loves me.  I should have been excited to know I'd get to sit and laugh and talk and drink lots of coffee.  I should be hearing about his new job practicing law or medicine or whatever career choice he had made to make the world a better place. I should be hearing about his new bride or kid or house or just anything.  JUST ANYTHING!

But I'm not. I'm not doing any of those things this week or this year or any other week or year, for that matter.

Instead, I'm just imagining.  Imagining what it would have been like. Imaging those talks and hugs and careers and wife and kids.  Just imagining how it might have been to have had that son longer than 6 short weeks. Longer than 41 hard days. Would he have dark hair? Would he be tall? Would he call me early mornings just to tell me hi? Would he just pop in to talk and drink that coffee? Who knows.  I'll never know.

Several years ago I had my wisdom teeth taken out.  My mom went with me and they put me to sleep. When I woke up, I couldn't stop crying.  Momma asked me why I was crying so hard and for a long time I couldn't tell her.  Finally after I got home and settled I was able to tell her.  While I was out, I guess I was dreaming.  I was dreaming that I was in a white rocking chair, wearing a white gown and rocking my son who was wrapped in a a white blanket. As I was waking up, someone was taking him from me and I was crying.

As sad as that sounds, I can't help but believe that someday when I get to heaven,  after spending a lot of time with the Father, something will tug at my white robe and I'll turn around and a small child will look up at me and say, "hey momma, it's me." What will that be like???? I can only imagine.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a great life these past 32 years. I have two amazing daughters and 5 fabulous grandkids.  But I still just imagine.

So on this day before his 32nd birthday, I just get to imagine what it would have been like to have had him here. I know that eternity is way longer than 6 weeks or 41 days.  I know that on this side of that eternity I have lots of questions.  But I do rest in the assurance that someday alllllll those questions will be answered and it will all make perfect sense.

Rest in peace, sweet boy.  And when I get there, tug hard.

William Alan Logan
10-12-87 to 11-20-87

Packing for my cruise.

I'm not really packing for my cruise.  I'm not going on a cruise. And if you ever hear anyone say, "Donna's going on a cruise", they are either lying or somebody hit me over the head. I don't do water.  Dang, I barely like to get in the tub. I do like the ocean but from a distance, in my chair, on the sand, with a book. That's it.  Never getting on a cruise ship. Nope, never.

So this morning when my sweet friend called and asked what I was doing I said, "packing for my cruise".  My sister-in-law would respond this way when I'd call her up and ask what she was doing.  "Packing for my cruise", she'd say.  She was really using the vacuum or dusting or doing dishes.  "Packing for my cruise" just sounded better than housework.

My friends response was "huh", (she knows me). I had to explain that yes, I was packing for a trip but not a cruise.  We are road trippin' with some friends tomorrow and where we are headed appears to be having lots and lots of rain.  So, prayers would be greatly appreciated. Anyway there are a few very important things that I always take with me and keep within reach.  Either in a carry-on on a plane, or just beside or behind me in the car. Since we are driving, and I'll be in the backseat with my friend so the guys can talk about driving and cars,  and work, and music and stupid stuff like that, I can easily grab my special things as needed.

One such special thing is Mr. Fuzzit. (Charly and I named it this.)  If you've ever traveled with me,  you know I MUST have this.  I can't go anywhere overnight with out it.  This blanket saved my life traveling to Africa several years ago on those long freezing flights. Janet Anthony and I snuggled under him on a flight from Narobi to Zambia and slept quite peacefully.  So he goes where I go. 

I will also have my favorite Croc flipflops. (These too, have traveled to Africa.) Perfect shoes for everything.  Um, I have them on right now. Then there is my travel bag.  In said bag will be a couple (or more) books, my current crocheting project for Sacred Craft at church, a notebook for writing, my Ipad, my scripture writing guide and last but not least, God's word.

Do you every go anywhere without your bible?  I can't imagine walking out the door on a trip without mine.  It, of course, had two amazing trips to Africa. It trekked with me through the bush country and through impoverished city streets of some very poor African villages.  It sustained me when I was heartbroken from what I saw.  It was my guide for knowing what to do and say. It held me up when I was lonely and sad and afraid.  It was my guide to helping those who were seeking a better path.  It helped me to know how to pray for so many in need. 

For Father's Day, I wrote my dad a letter thanking him for some of the things he had taught me over the years.  The first thing I thanked him for was teaching me about Jesus.  For teaching me about the bible and how to use it and live by it and treasure it's words.  And I also told him that I hadn't always done that but it wasn't because he didn't teach me. He has read the bible through more than 45 times. (We think close to 50 now). I just can't imagine that.  50 times???? Really?? I won't even state my own practice here.  Too embarrassing.

So, yes, my bible is going.  As a matter of fact, I've already done my studying for the day and my scripture writing and it is safely packed for the trip.  And I'll be able to grab it at any given moment. 
This summer when you're "packing for your cruise", take yours.  You'll need it.